F. U. C. K. Y. O. U. H. A. B. S.
That's my new license plate until shit gets figured out. Don't worry everyone, as much as you think I'm Bill Simmons, I'm not (Though I'm still fucking hilarious). I will make numerous grammatical errors in this post probably and it won't be 750 pages long. Also I think Larry Bird was overrated cause he was white cause he was. Win one for the Isiah train (its been a tough last 15 years). I am back, we are 8-10, and we suck dick more then Rupaul after Labor Day but not prior (He gets off on white). Where to begin. Let's start here.....
- SK74 is many things. He's selfish, somewhat chaotic, maniacal, gang banger who uses highlights. You know what else he does Mr. I don't say more then three words unless what I just said was "Did I just Fart?" (4 words) Gainey? Sergie lights up the lamp. And in case you didn't notice, WE CAN'T SCORE!!!! His brother is lost, dealing with male pattern baldness this side of Andre Agassi and is in a loveless marriage (not true?). You know what's next? Meth!!! Please let SK74 save Big Titz, all tits, the Habs, the season, the fans, and Christmas.
- Gomez should give back half his salary now and I'm not being harsh. A player in a tight game who gets a breakaway and is the highest paid player on that team is 1) expected, 2) should, 3) will deliver a goal. Instead we get a whiff. 4 points in the last 9 games for 7.5 million. Hogwash I say.
- JM, do something!!! Play 4 forwards, fire Muller, fire yourself, lose some weight, become Jewish (has some perks???? No, that was a bad suggestion) but do something. We are almost at the 20 game mark, a mark in which a man who almost became GM of the Wild but didn't adn now yells at the screen as a commentator said would be the defining indicator of how good the Habs are. 10-10 buys you another day but 8-12, off with your head. Only Charlie (Weiss) the Hut gets that many lives.
- Heroes: Dexter, Kenny Powers (Go fuck yourself) , Kate Hudson (for seeing more penis then Heidi Fleiss on a bad day) and Chris "The Kaveman" Kaman for letting your goldie locks go.
-Zeros: The Habs, the Habs coaches, the Habs, trainers, the Habs vendors, even Youppi, and Polar Bear's father for blaming it on the rotator cuff.
- Defence, I don't like using cus words as you can see from my writing so I would like to just say, "Officer Cruptke, Crupt You!" but fuck you MAB, you're worst then Breezer and you don't even have his hair. That reminds me, Breeeeeeezeerrrr!
That's all folks. I got through without any Will Ferrell or Adam Sandler jokes. They should make a movie together called Billy Madison Meets Ricky Bobby. I think it has potential like the keyboard neck tie.
Peace Out: Compton, Polar Bear, and that ugly kid who became friends with me in 5th grade cause he begged while leaning against the soccer pole.
Go fuck yourself San Diego Canadiens,
Pessimist
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
The Story of the Break Off Poo
I don't like crapping in public bathrooms. It's uncomfortable and unfamiliar. Your always sitting there ready to unload a Deuce McCallister when the random guy in the stall next to you starts breathing heavy. Next thing you know, you prairie dog it like a bad habit and have to wipe till you start seeing red. Break off that poo! Diddly poo if you ask Jim Mora. Now, playing battle shits with a buddy is a different story (Bogdan shout out) altogether though done in a public bathroom as well. What does this have to do with hockey? Nothing. That was for you Ronald McDonald AKA 6'3 195, I'm so hot right now.
Now Polar Bear said I wasn't referential enough in my last post and since he/she makes up half of my total readers, I figure I should honor his request.
- 2-0 motherfuckas. Thank you Price for that start but NO I WILL NOT MAKE OUT WITH YOU! (Billy Madison ref) Damn, I know he's Native and all but that goes to far. I think you deserve a benching. Halak a lot, you start next game.
- I was kidding JM, Price is money right now. So money. No one has been that money since Favreau made like Mr. Bojangles and swept Heather Graham off her feet (Swingers ref). Okay, so Halak is starting next game. I'm not happy about it cause I believe a hot goalie should be ridden like a finely aged hooker with cheap perfume who laughs at your naked body but you going back for more cause it's best you can afford (Balls of Fury ref). And no one is as hot as Price right now. We'll see if JM is right and I am wrong.
- Marc-Andre Bergeron is a Hab now. Pro's: He's got a Rocket Unit arm (Havas ref) and he's French. Con's: He can't play D, plays like a little girl and he speaks French. Our top D-men still have to pick up the slack. Here's looking at you Spacek, and no, not talking about "They're all going to laugh at you" Coal Miner's Daughter Spacek. That would be a blast from the past (Blast from the Past ref). I'm talking about Jaroslav Spacek. Step up (back into the streets) and deserve your 3+ mil per year.
- Smurf Line is the bomb. They keep prevailing when everything is against them. Kind of like the Zombieland crew. Gionta is Woody and keeps killing the enemy. Cammy is like Jesse Eisenberg cause they are both Jewish. Shalom. Gomez is like Emma Stone cause they are both... ahhh... American. Zombieland has actually nothing to do with the Smurf line, But man was that movie the shit.
I'm tired, gtg. Prediction of the night: Habs 21 Flames 0. Go Habs Go
See mom, no Ron Burgundy refs. I did it, I did it.
Go Fuck Yourself San Diego (Rob Burgundy ref)
Friday, October 2, 2009
The Beginning...and the End?
The long summer is over. Hockey is back. The Habs played on opening night last night against the the big bad bullshit Leafs. I spent most of the night trying to figure out the numbers on the backs. I was wondering why Tomb the Bomb AKA Stonehands Jackson AKA the Greek God of Grit was playing D. It's tough when #6 represents one player for so long but now represents Spacek (Who looks off a little bit). Yes, we won. Most of you who will read this will have just learned that revelation. I'm talking to you Polar Bear. cyplove!!!! Sasslove?
Some Points:
- Price was great (Thank God) but he's only one game away from being terrible. 42 saves should give the man at least 2 bad games.
- Gill was terrible, really fucking terrible. He was as bad as Lamar Odom's decision making when he married the ugly Kardishian. Proof he still smokes way to much pot. Gill, stop with the fucking lazy backward passes in your own zone. But it's only one game. Odom's married for life or until the divorce. I'll take the latter.
- Gionta should be and will be captain. Reason #1) I love this guy #2) Get to that reason later #3) He's a smurf
- AK47. WTF????? I loved you once, make me love you again. Did I just kind of steal that from Gladiator? Score.
- Kovyyyyyyyy!!! I still love you.
- Pleky was our best player sans Price for the entire game. I hate how people trash a player who plays hard on D even when he's slumping on O. The guy was brought up as a checker. We've mistaken him for Alex "I'll slash your throat" Perezogin. Any offence is a plus, 69 pts (haha) or 39 pts.
- Komi is a pussy. I hope he dislocates his freakin' shoulder and can never play again. Hey Komi, if you guys played so well, why'd you lose? Oh ya, cause you took five minor penalties to stupid piece of shit.
- The Breeze. I'm so happy you'll be taking that unbelievable outlet pass and flowing hair to the Canadian Nascar League. You can fuck up your car now instead of my life.
- Note to Carbo: When you play Metro on the PP, make sure he scores. Win one for JM.
FINAL NOTE: Reason #2 for Gionta captaincy - Markov is out for 2-4 months. HOLY SHIT, WE ARE FUCKED. I mean we just lost our best player for half a season. I'm trying not to panic but this is bad. We need to make like Mel Brooks' history and ask for a miracle. We're 1-0. Keep telling yourself that but last night feels like a lost.
That's it. Toodles and go fuck yourself San Diego.
The Pessimist is out (Burn on that Jim Rome)
Monday, September 28, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Work Your Groove Thing
Hey my loyal and good looking group of followers (Heegs, Skinny, Bogdan, Wigs, Logan Mankins, and the Polar Bear - I didn't forget you Maislin, "You're just so damn ugly." Yes, that was a Planet of the Apes reference. Money in the bank). I'm working right now at my desk and was wondering how I can waste another hour. If your thinking what I'm thinking right now you have a filthy mind. No, I'm actually thinking about hockey blogging which is still kind of filthy. But today I going to mess with the formula 51. I'm going to recap my last 24 hours to give you my state of mind while writing about the Habs which will come after.
Last Night: It was a Frat show on the row for welcome week. I made like Sally Field and got pretty drunk. It was a year ago to the day that I saw this girl who I sat next too in Anthropology casue she's shot and told her "I think you're hot." And the what did she say? And then what he did you say? And then what did she say? (That's for you Sedgewick) We then spent 42 glorious minutes together and then went our own ways. Well last night, one year later, BOOM, she walks into the party. So I'm like "I'm going to have a good night." But then a Frat guy who likes her throws me out on the street. Then I realize my phone is gone and I have work the next day which is why I'm at work right now. Great night. So now I'm hungover writing to you, my loyal and finger lickin' good looking followers. Cool story Hansel. Now the Habs.
Habs
I'm going to make like Ruth Bader Ginsburg (Even Denny Crane thinks she's hot) and make my own hot list of what's on my mind at this very momoent pertaining to the Habs.
1) George Laraque was born to be in one of the those Patrick Chewing commercials. We could call him Laraque Obama or George Chewing. Hilarious!
2) Scott Gomez will get the captaincy cause he's our highest paid player, our first line center, and he can't shut the fuck up. But if I had my choosing it would be Mike Cammalleri cause he's Jewish. How many Jewish captains have there been in NHL history? How 'bout sports history? Maybe Hank Greenberg and Dolph Schayes. That's it. Score one for the Jews Mike.
3) Will Ferrel must make a hockey movie and combine the titles Blades of Glory and Balls of Fury to call the film, Blades of Fury (Balls of Glory just doesn't work as well).
4) This is harder then I thought, the off season is just so damn boring. I should just pass out at a hairdresser. Oh Wait. Check. Done that already.
5) Why does Zooey Deschanel have to be so mean in 5oo Days of Summer? I wish she was more like herself in Yes Man or Failure to Launch. Who am I?
6) I'm out of shit to say so I'll leave you all with a pearl of wisdom: If it's yellow, let it mellow, if it's brown, flush it down. Just kidding. What I meant to say was that it doesn't matter who we bring in or let go, The whole season is predicated on the play of Carey Price. If he steps up like Jenna Dewan, we are in fine shape. If he goes AWOL like Nick in the Deer Hunter then we're screwed. As simple as that.
See you guys on the flip side.
Last Night: It was a Frat show on the row for welcome week. I made like Sally Field and got pretty drunk. It was a year ago to the day that I saw this girl who I sat next too in Anthropology casue she's shot and told her "I think you're hot." And the what did she say? And then what he did you say? And then what did she say? (That's for you Sedgewick) We then spent 42 glorious minutes together and then went our own ways. Well last night, one year later, BOOM, she walks into the party. So I'm like "I'm going to have a good night." But then a Frat guy who likes her throws me out on the street. Then I realize my phone is gone and I have work the next day which is why I'm at work right now. Great night. So now I'm hungover writing to you, my loyal and finger lickin' good looking followers. Cool story Hansel. Now the Habs.
Habs
I'm going to make like Ruth Bader Ginsburg (Even Denny Crane thinks she's hot) and make my own hot list of what's on my mind at this very momoent pertaining to the Habs.
1) George Laraque was born to be in one of the those Patrick Chewing commercials. We could call him Laraque Obama or George Chewing. Hilarious!
2) Scott Gomez will get the captaincy cause he's our highest paid player, our first line center, and he can't shut the fuck up. But if I had my choosing it would be Mike Cammalleri cause he's Jewish. How many Jewish captains have there been in NHL history? How 'bout sports history? Maybe Hank Greenberg and Dolph Schayes. That's it. Score one for the Jews Mike.
3) Will Ferrel must make a hockey movie and combine the titles Blades of Glory and Balls of Fury to call the film, Blades of Fury (Balls of Glory just doesn't work as well).
4) This is harder then I thought, the off season is just so damn boring. I should just pass out at a hairdresser. Oh Wait. Check. Done that already.
5) Why does Zooey Deschanel have to be so mean in 5oo Days of Summer? I wish she was more like herself in Yes Man or Failure to Launch. Who am I?
6) I'm out of shit to say so I'll leave you all with a pearl of wisdom: If it's yellow, let it mellow, if it's brown, flush it down. Just kidding. What I meant to say was that it doesn't matter who we bring in or let go, The whole season is predicated on the play of Carey Price. If he steps up like Jenna Dewan, we are in fine shape. If he goes AWOL like Nick in the Deer Hunter then we're screwed. As simple as that.
See you guys on the flip side.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
My Long Awaited Return From The Dark Side (no, I was never a Yankee fan)
Hello young lads as my late grade 6 English teacher and hockey mentor Mr. Barrett would say. He would also say, "life is unfair, but life is good" (He died of a heart attack at 55 mowing his lawn). That quote saved me as I've grown enough (still not enough to allow women to anchor nightly news Ron Burgundy) to move forward in life and think about the positive. Let me remind everyone (Polar Bear, Maislin, Adam Hagel, Skinny Matt, the angels in the outfield, and Harry and the Hendersons) how I fell off the wagon or on it depending on if this is an episode of Seinfeld.
- My sweet Habs drove me to alcoholism. After finishing 1st in the East 2 years ago and beating Boston (suck it Triple H style) in round one, I was stoked for last year. Same team plus Tanguay and Lang (who smells CHAMPIONSHIP?). The first half went great. We were ahead of the pace from the year before, Price looked great, and we were led by L'Artiste himself, ALex Kovalev (He's like the Anti-Voldermort, few speak his name as he is just too great but in a good way). The All-Star game was the peak as L'Artiste kissed the heavens and won MVP in his home rink. Even the stench of Carbo and Breezer weren't bothering me that much as well as the stone hands of Tom the Bomb (the Bomb cause when he fights the opposing player lands bombs on his face). But then to make a long story short because I do not want relapse, we fucked it all up and then got swept by the FUCKIN bruins. God I hate them. So I drank and drank and drank and then went to the doctor's office and was told I should stop to save my liver and then I drank and drank and then blacked out only to hook up with a fat chick (Polar Bear says fat chicks need loing too) and then I drank and then came across that quote of Mr. Barrett's (Dief the chief - Union Jack). Last season was last season and it was unfair but next season is just around the corner with all new hopes and aspirations that are unrealistic. Michael Jackson still being alive is pretty unrealistic but Vegas still has odds on it. God life is good. So now I still drink but with a smile on my face as I wait for next year. Here are some thoughts on the moves.
Gone: are Breezer, Carbo (really last year but who's reading this shit anyways), and the Greek God TTB (more like weak God). Yippeeeeeee.
Best Move: Cammalleri - finally some Jew blood on this team that doesn't need Viagra and I'm looking at you Schnieder. Milwaukee's got Braun, Nevada had Sammy Davis Jr., Minnesota had Rod Carew (converted...so did Sammy), and now we got Cams. Let me tell you something, Jews are persistent motherfuckers. Don't get in the way of a Jew. We survived Merchant of Venice, WWII, and if you get in our way now, we'll guilt you like you've never been guilted before. Word of advice men, marry a chicksa if you want to be happy.
2nd best: Jaro Spacek - He seems good at D, has an decent nickname (space) and will give Hammer some company as they are both Czech. Hammer needs a friend just like everyone else.
Random Pop Culture Question of the Night: What is the funnier word to come out of Jim Mora's mouth? 1) PLAYoffs 2) Diddly Poo
Biggest Trend: North American Grit - We've added a Canadian Jew, a Mexican Columbian Alaskan who make 7.3 mil a year (we already have problems with drugs in this city), a 5'7 American who I wrote my SAT essay on (I can't make this stuff up), two NA D-men over 6'3, a Canadian who was on CORNER GAS (wow that's Canadian. If you read this and don't know Corner Gas, you're not Canadian or black). That's a lot of grit, like hockey mom grit.
Worst Move: KOVYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! My baby is gone forever. I feel like the Ding ate My Baby. Why Gainey Why? I've lost my soulmate. The way he snaps the puck top corner never smiling, goes to clubs to try to get the kids in bed, kisses the crown as his goldielocks blows through the cold breeze, the way you play the saxophone. This is too hard, I think Gov. Sanford can better put my love in words. Sanford - "You have a particular grace and calm that I adore. You have a level of sophistication that is so fitting with your beauty. I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificently gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curves of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself in the faded glow of night’s light." Goodbye Kovy
Goodbyes: Koivu - After a great rookie year, many injuries, cancer, a stick to the eye, some ice cubes and a nine iron (just kidding, that's some Billy Madison), and 9 years of captain of the winningest team in NHL history where you failed to win one cup. Even Breezer did that. Good luck with the Ducks except when we whoop your ass. Also goodbyes - Higgins, Tangy, Langer, the Cube, and Dandy.
I did not say goodbye to Komi because he can go fuck himself. I have to burn my jersey now because he is a Maple Laff. I hope his shoulder is damaged for life.
Finally welcome Jacques Martin. I'll give you a chance after dealing with Carbo. But your leash will have little slack. I'll yank you like a bad doggy and I hate dogs if you screw this up.
On that happy note, Go Habs Go, peace out folks, and thank you Mr. Barrett for showing me the light (cue John Williams music).
- My sweet Habs drove me to alcoholism. After finishing 1st in the East 2 years ago and beating Boston (suck it Triple H style) in round one, I was stoked for last year. Same team plus Tanguay and Lang (who smells CHAMPIONSHIP?). The first half went great. We were ahead of the pace from the year before, Price looked great, and we were led by L'Artiste himself, ALex Kovalev (He's like the Anti-Voldermort, few speak his name as he is just too great but in a good way). The All-Star game was the peak as L'Artiste kissed the heavens and won MVP in his home rink. Even the stench of Carbo and Breezer weren't bothering me that much as well as the stone hands of Tom the Bomb (the Bomb cause when he fights the opposing player lands bombs on his face). But then to make a long story short because I do not want relapse, we fucked it all up and then got swept by the FUCKIN bruins. God I hate them. So I drank and drank and drank and then went to the doctor's office and was told I should stop to save my liver and then I drank and drank and then blacked out only to hook up with a fat chick (Polar Bear says fat chicks need loing too) and then I drank and then came across that quote of Mr. Barrett's (Dief the chief - Union Jack). Last season was last season and it was unfair but next season is just around the corner with all new hopes and aspirations that are unrealistic. Michael Jackson still being alive is pretty unrealistic but Vegas still has odds on it. God life is good. So now I still drink but with a smile on my face as I wait for next year. Here are some thoughts on the moves.
Gone: are Breezer, Carbo (really last year but who's reading this shit anyways), and the Greek God TTB (more like weak God). Yippeeeeeee.
Best Move: Cammalleri - finally some Jew blood on this team that doesn't need Viagra and I'm looking at you Schnieder. Milwaukee's got Braun, Nevada had Sammy Davis Jr., Minnesota had Rod Carew (converted...so did Sammy), and now we got Cams. Let me tell you something, Jews are persistent motherfuckers. Don't get in the way of a Jew. We survived Merchant of Venice, WWII, and if you get in our way now, we'll guilt you like you've never been guilted before. Word of advice men, marry a chicksa if you want to be happy.
2nd best: Jaro Spacek - He seems good at D, has an decent nickname (space) and will give Hammer some company as they are both Czech. Hammer needs a friend just like everyone else.
Random Pop Culture Question of the Night: What is the funnier word to come out of Jim Mora's mouth? 1) PLAYoffs 2) Diddly Poo
Biggest Trend: North American Grit - We've added a Canadian Jew, a Mexican Columbian Alaskan who make 7.3 mil a year (we already have problems with drugs in this city), a 5'7 American who I wrote my SAT essay on (I can't make this stuff up), two NA D-men over 6'3, a Canadian who was on CORNER GAS (wow that's Canadian. If you read this and don't know Corner Gas, you're not Canadian or black). That's a lot of grit, like hockey mom grit.
Worst Move: KOVYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! My baby is gone forever. I feel like the Ding ate My Baby. Why Gainey Why? I've lost my soulmate. The way he snaps the puck top corner never smiling, goes to clubs to try to get the kids in bed, kisses the crown as his goldielocks blows through the cold breeze, the way you play the saxophone. This is too hard, I think Gov. Sanford can better put my love in words. Sanford - "You have a particular grace and calm that I adore. You have a level of sophistication that is so fitting with your beauty. I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificently gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curves of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself in the faded glow of night’s light." Goodbye Kovy
Goodbyes: Koivu - After a great rookie year, many injuries, cancer, a stick to the eye, some ice cubes and a nine iron (just kidding, that's some Billy Madison), and 9 years of captain of the winningest team in NHL history where you failed to win one cup. Even Breezer did that. Good luck with the Ducks except when we whoop your ass. Also goodbyes - Higgins, Tangy, Langer, the Cube, and Dandy.
I did not say goodbye to Komi because he can go fuck himself. I have to burn my jersey now because he is a Maple Laff. I hope his shoulder is damaged for life.
Finally welcome Jacques Martin. I'll give you a chance after dealing with Carbo. But your leash will have little slack. I'll yank you like a bad doggy and I hate dogs if you screw this up.
On that happy note, Go Habs Go, peace out folks, and thank you Mr. Barrett for showing me the light (cue John Williams music).
Friday, April 10, 2009
WE MADE IT TO THE PLAYOFFS!
Yes, I quit posting a long time ago as I retired due to fustration. But a lot has happened to me in the last 2 months. I went to Cabo for a week, then came back from Cabo and now I'm here. Like I said, a lot has happened to me. The real reason I'm hear is because Tiger Woods is playing like an asshole in the Masters and I need to vent about something else. So hear goes me trying to be positive about the Habs.
- Carbo's gone. I still hope he shoots himself in the face and then dies.
- Gainey's the coach. I think his nickname is "the clown" cause he smiles so much.
- Kovalev's back. I knew it was going to happen eventually.
- Breezer didn't play last night. But he's still on the team. I also hope he shoots himself in the face and then dies. BREEEEEEEZERRRR!!!!
- We're in the playoffs. Hooray
I'm sorry everyone (nobody, cause I'm the only person who is ever this site so I'm actually writing to myself. LONELINESS) but I'm just to depressed right now cause of Tiger to be any more optimistic. I 'm now going to cry.
Go Habs GO
- Carbo's gone. I still hope he shoots himself in the face and then dies.
- Gainey's the coach. I think his nickname is "the clown" cause he smiles so much.
- Kovalev's back. I knew it was going to happen eventually.
- Breezer didn't play last night. But he's still on the team. I also hope he shoots himself in the face and then dies. BREEEEEEEZERRRR!!!!
- We're in the playoffs. Hooray
I'm sorry everyone (nobody, cause I'm the only person who is ever this site so I'm actually writing to myself. LONELINESS) but I'm just to depressed right now cause of Tiger to be any more optimistic. I 'm now going to cry.
Go Habs GO
Friday, February 20, 2009
To One Anonymous Person
On February 1, 2009, I posted an article titled "It's Fucking Over." In this article, which was almost a month ago, I stated that it was fucking over. Well, a month later, the Habs are still shit and my once tiny bandwagon of calling for the pepper coach's head has grown to be of the majority. All those Kovy bashers have disappeared because they're cunts who can't face the fact they were WRONG all along. I always knew Carbo was the problem and it took a fucking loss season for everyone else to realize it too. For all those still on the sinking Carbo bandwagon, I forgive you for all being of the same fruit (pepper) as no man should stink alone. But the real reason I came out of hibernation was a response I got from that article:
Anonymous: u r gay
If this cocksucker said this to my face, I would respond as any Kenny Powers fan should, by saying, "Go fuck yourself' and then knocking his teeth out with my fist. This is the ultimate cunt, an individual who comes on my fucking site in which I have put great effort into and he writes a piece a shit statement like that on my wall. Atleast have the fucking courtesy to create a blog name so I can put an ungly piece a shit face to your remark. The sad thing is (besides me responding to a response) is that you (Anonymous fucking cocksucker) know I'm right hence why you don't rebuttle my article but just add a stupid comment. If my Blog is so fucking gay then why are you on it and furthermore taking the time to write a response? I, by creating this blog in the first place, established my stake in this blog as well as the Habs. You. on the otherhand, are the faggot. So as the Habs fall further into the depths of hell under the watchful eye of Coach Carbo, you can join him by eating out his crevice. Once again, FUCK YOU.
Anonymous: u r gay
If this cocksucker said this to my face, I would respond as any Kenny Powers fan should, by saying, "Go fuck yourself' and then knocking his teeth out with my fist. This is the ultimate cunt, an individual who comes on my fucking site in which I have put great effort into and he writes a piece a shit statement like that on my wall. Atleast have the fucking courtesy to create a blog name so I can put an ungly piece a shit face to your remark. The sad thing is (besides me responding to a response) is that you (Anonymous fucking cocksucker) know I'm right hence why you don't rebuttle my article but just add a stupid comment. If my Blog is so fucking gay then why are you on it and furthermore taking the time to write a response? I, by creating this blog in the first place, established my stake in this blog as well as the Habs. You. on the otherhand, are the faggot. So as the Habs fall further into the depths of hell under the watchful eye of Coach Carbo, you can join him by eating out his crevice. Once again, FUCK YOU.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
The World Ended
Goodbye sweet hope,
Goodbye sweet chance,
Goodbye sweet everything,
The End of Days has come and gone
and left only this poor shell of a man behind.
Gone is my team, my love, my everything.
I shall walk the earth a lonely man
searching for my place in history.
The world, however, is a dessert of
deceit, anger, loss, torture, horror.
No happiness can exist without the sip from the bowl of life
we hold so high above our head.
Lucifer has swiped from my thorny hands the very essence of I,
Yet still I search and still find nothing.
I yearn for a savior but he is preoccupied with his first son.
Goodbye
Goodbye sweet chance,
Goodbye sweet everything,
The End of Days has come and gone
and left only this poor shell of a man behind.
Gone is my team, my love, my everything.
I shall walk the earth a lonely man
searching for my place in history.
The world, however, is a dessert of
deceit, anger, loss, torture, horror.
No happiness can exist without the sip from the bowl of life
we hold so high above our head.
Lucifer has swiped from my thorny hands the very essence of I,
Yet still I search and still find nothing.
I yearn for a savior but he is preoccupied with his first son.
Goodbye
Sunday, February 1, 2009
It's Fucking Over
I have little to say then I know I have a larger penis then Carbo. I've never seen his penis but judging by the size of his ego, his wife must make great use of her Pink Rabbit. What makes matters worse is his ego is compounded by the fact that he is dumb as fuck. And this guy is our coach. His game plan today was play scared defensive hockey that showed what little confidence he has in his own players. He also threw his best player under the bus for the hundredth time and played his 4th liners, 1st line minutes. I wonder why we loss 3-1 to the Bruins? What makes matters worse is he'll think we played a solid game and the demise of the centennial season will continue. Go to fucking hell Carbo and take your big ego and tiny penis with you.
Friday, January 30, 2009
The World is Ending Again
After last night's 5-1 loss to the Panthers (best known for the freakin rat-trick), I decided to get drunk like a good alcoholic does when he's feeling depressed. I was planning to write my post while I was intoxicated but I forgot, kind of like how the Habs forgot to play. I, though, had legitimate reason for my forgetfulness, I WAS DRUNK. So unless AK46, AK27, Gorgeous Gorges, Scary Carey, The Hammer, and many more were hitting the rumpelstiltskin prior to the game, I except no excuses for that horse dung (note Breezer was not listed as he doesn't have to be drunk to suck, he already sucks at life). That's 4 losses in a row, a pissed off goalie, and a team with as much confidence as I have at the free throw line in basketball (My odds increase when I close my eyes). What's even worse is that I have refused to shave until we win again and I'm starting to look like Grizzly Adams (and yes Shooter McGavin, Grizzly Adams does have a beard).If we lose both games this weekend aginst the Kings and Boston, I swear I will punch a women in the breast. That's right people, I'm dangerous, so the Habs better figure things out soon before shit gets out of hand. Before I get drunk again, I will make a few points as I owe at least that to my loyal followers (Polar Bear).
-Price said the "F" word on television last night and is contemplating suicide as I write. These are not good signs for our goalie of the present and future. Carbo, you pepper, settle the kid down before we have another Roy incident.
- Gorges, what happened to being gorgeous? I feel you need to be under the radar to succeed because once you became the toast of the town, your play has gone straight to the crapper. So everyone, at this moment forward, Gorges will not be mentioned ever again on this site and then maybe he will return to being gorgeous.
-Breezer, DIE!!!!!!!!
-CARBOOOOO! I don't know what I hate more, your awful ties or the stench of pepper that oozes out from your skin. Why is a fisherman, the coach of the greatest team to ever exist? Stop the politics and bring an anglophone in to win the cup. Yes, yes, yes, I'm a hater but I'm justified in my beliefs. Proof he sucks anal crevice: 1) Kosto plays on a scoring line and gets more minutes then Big Tits even though he lacks the ability to SCORE (or fight. 0-137 career). 2) His game plan is a defensive style that doesn't mesh with the players he has to work with. I'm sorry but Kovy is a scorer so use him as one. Not every player in the world has to be like you, Carbo (a career 3rd liner), some can score from time to time. 3) When your answer to every thing is juggling the lines, well, you prove your just a fisherman from Baie-Comeau. 4) Carbo is french
We have many other problem that could I could elaborate on but I'm tired of being depressed.I hope the next time we meet, I will not look like a homeless man but who knows. I'm sorry for the Optimist's AWOL but like Breezer, he also sucks at life.
Peace Out and All Love,
The Pessimist
-Price said the "F" word on television last night and is contemplating suicide as I write. These are not good signs for our goalie of the present and future. Carbo, you pepper, settle the kid down before we have another Roy incident.
- Gorges, what happened to being gorgeous? I feel you need to be under the radar to succeed because once you became the toast of the town, your play has gone straight to the crapper. So everyone, at this moment forward, Gorges will not be mentioned ever again on this site and then maybe he will return to being gorgeous.
-Breezer, DIE!!!!!!!!
-CARBOOOOO! I don't know what I hate more, your awful ties or the stench of pepper that oozes out from your skin. Why is a fisherman, the coach of the greatest team to ever exist? Stop the politics and bring an anglophone in to win the cup. Yes, yes, yes, I'm a hater but I'm justified in my beliefs. Proof he sucks anal crevice: 1) Kosto plays on a scoring line and gets more minutes then Big Tits even though he lacks the ability to SCORE (or fight. 0-137 career). 2) His game plan is a defensive style that doesn't mesh with the players he has to work with. I'm sorry but Kovy is a scorer so use him as one. Not every player in the world has to be like you, Carbo (a career 3rd liner), some can score from time to time. 3) When your answer to every thing is juggling the lines, well, you prove your just a fisherman from Baie-Comeau. 4) Carbo is french
We have many other problem that could I could elaborate on but I'm tired of being depressed.I hope the next time we meet, I will not look like a homeless man but who knows. I'm sorry for the Optimist's AWOL but like Breezer, he also sucks at life.
Peace Out and All Love,
The Pessimist
Monday, January 26, 2009
All-Star Game
I had never watched an entire All-Star game before this latest installment of best in show for several reasons:
1) It's not a real game, and usually lacks any excitement
2) Nothing is on the line worth rooting for
3) The Canadiens have not lived up to their standards as hockey royalty over the last 15 years with lackluster players on lackluster teams which led to few all-stars.
Well, this year was different. Not only was the game in Montreal (greatest city in the world motherfucka), four habs were voted to start the game. Yes, I know to all you ESPN bloggers who love the Bruins and Red Wings, only Markov DESERVED to go. But I don't give a shit. If those fans cared so much, they should root for a team with a bigger fan base that relentlessly clog up the ballot box. And also to those haters, the 2 Red Wings picked to go didn't even show up and the 3 Bruins players, well they, well, they, uhhhh, they are homosexuals. So take that. I need to get classy San Diego and get back on track. I still was not sold on the game as even though 3) was achieved, 1) could never happen but then something happened.
Alex Kovalev (aka, AK27, Kovi, the magician, le artiste, Goldielocks, the sexiest man in the universe, lets just say I want to be on him. No, let me rephrase that. I want to be ON him.)
He is not only my favorite player and the best player on the Habs skill wise, he was voted Captain and starter for the Eastern All-stars. He has the skill of Elijah Dukes on steroids but the mind of well, Elijah Dukes. If he could rise up in the city that loves him and lead his team to victory and win MVP of the game, then maybe, just maybe, he can lead the Habs to.....I dare not say it....a STANLEY CUP. Yipeeeeee. 2) came to fruition. I could cheer for Alex to win MVP so I watched every minute of that game.
-Vinny got one of the biggest cheers of the night. I haven't seen a bigger hard on at a game since the Chez Paree girls last visit in the nose bleeds.
-man, Rick Nash is so sick. If only he played in a city that cared. Most wasted talent in the whole league in my opinion.
-man, I hate the Bruins. marc Savard might be the nicest guy in the world but was i happy when Shane Doan beat him the night before. and no, I didn't cheer for that communist, Tim Thomas. If it was the 1950's, McCarthy would be on his ass like Ron Jeremy on a banana split.
-I love Ovechkin. I hope he never learns how to speak English. He's just so funny as well as being the best player in the league.
-Nice penalty Komi. If only Jeff Carter wasn't such a hog and could make 25 foot pass. Now I know how he has 30 goals. I hate the Flyers.
-Kovi! Kovi! Kovi! Had the 3 nicest goals of the night, all on the break away. Won the MVP, a new Honda, and has earned the right to finally move to #3 on my list of: (insert name), so hot right now, behind only permanent members Peyton Manning at #2 and Tiger Woods (God) at #1. Sorry Ryan Zimmerman, but SIMMEDOWN.
Time to get back to real hockey and fuck some people up. Go Habs Go
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Halfway Point
25-10-6. As Adam Sandler would say when referring to the ethnic backround of Harrison Ford, not to shabby. Today was a great day for me as many things went right. I caught the wining TD in my flag football game (and yes the man guarding me was 22 years my senior), I'm only one day away from the premiere of 24, the single greatest show ever(except for Rocco's Modern Life and The Big Comfy Couch), and finally the Habs were victorious. I almost got drunk tonight to celebrate my wonderful day and then I remembered I'm a college kid, I can get drunk any day. I also found out I'm 1/2 a quarter Romanian which means I'm related to Bogdan (somewhat depressed about that, just kidding). So after a long break of R and R where I tanned up my guns for all the ladies to see, I'm back home in L.A. to fufill my destiny of writing a blog on the Montreal Canadiens.Time to get serious cuase I have a lot of faithful fans (Maislin, The Polar Bear, and Mr. George) who care about my insight on the Habs.
-Tonight the Caps came to town and we turned them away with a little thank you but we already have enough Russians on this team and they can beat you (Belarus, for the sake of this post, is Russian otherwise we could probably use a couple more). We also have these guys from a place that was considered part of Russia (U.S.S.R) and they are pretty good too. I will go through these great men as they were the reason we won the game and got Carbo (CARBOOOOOO! Still hate the man or should I say man with bad hair (The polar Bear gets it)) into the all-star game.
Kovalev: He's a G. 'nough said
Big Tits: 1 goal, 1 assist and no siezure, I call that AK46 Hat Trick
Markov: The man just always finds a way to get a point, 1 assist tonight.
Lang the man who can't stop smiling: another goal and he still leads the team in points, what can't he do (fly...)
Halak: another win though the guy is going to freakin give me a heart attack with those rebounds but good job
Pleky: 2 goals baby, the kid finally got what he deserved, long overdue
Lil Titz: How you had me at "said things in Russian papers..." in the Grabs incident, you complete me with that game winner with 21 seconds left. Though I'm a man, I will gladly have your children.
Habs:5 - Caps:4
-Tonight the Caps came to town and we turned them away with a little thank you but we already have enough Russians on this team and they can beat you (Belarus, for the sake of this post, is Russian otherwise we could probably use a couple more). We also have these guys from a place that was considered part of Russia (U.S.S.R) and they are pretty good too. I will go through these great men as they were the reason we won the game and got Carbo (CARBOOOOOO! Still hate the man or should I say man with bad hair (The polar Bear gets it)) into the all-star game.
Kovalev: He's a G. 'nough said
Big Tits: 1 goal, 1 assist and no siezure, I call that AK46 Hat Trick
Markov: The man just always finds a way to get a point, 1 assist tonight.
Lang the man who can't stop smiling: another goal and he still leads the team in points, what can't he do (fly...)
Halak: another win though the guy is going to freakin give me a heart attack with those rebounds but good job
Pleky: 2 goals baby, the kid finally got what he deserved, long overdue
Lil Titz: How you had me at "said things in Russian papers..." in the Grabs incident, you complete me with that game winner with 21 seconds left. Though I'm a man, I will gladly have your children.
Habs:5 - Caps:4
Saturday, January 3, 2009
DEFINITION
Back and ready to cover the 2nd half of the season. I spent the last couple of weeks down in Florida with the pessimist and we both had the pleasure of dining with one of America's classiest men. None other than the son of Victor Posner, Steven. This sharply dressed man, with sleek hair and dashing eyes is my 2nd man crush (1st being Koivu). Not only did Mr. Posner carry himself with dignity and charm, he was a gentleman to his whore and her family (mother, sister, nephew). Hopefully the pessimist could shed some more light on this delightful man, who happend to be a scratch golfer, pro tennis player, underwear model and thief.
Back to the Habs...
Our biggest fault and this deals with the management and Montreal's Tricolore Jesus (on that note go Vikings), M. Carbonneau. Our players have NO defined roles. Their tasks change from day to day, minute to minute. Sure injuries have plagued us, forcing for a shake up in the lineup, but our players need defined roles. So Carbonneau AND Gainey decide what you want from each player and let them know that, let them settle into their roles throughout the regular season, so when April comes knocking, our team will answer.
Over the next few days I will define what the role of each player should be and then discuss how Carbonneau has gone about treating that player to date.
Happy New Year
Go Habs Go
The Optimist
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