The World is Ending Again

After last night's 5-1 loss to the Panthers (best known for the freakin rat-trick), I decided to get drunk like a good alcoholic does when he's feeling depressed. I was planning to write my post while I was intoxicated but I forgot, kind of like how the Habs forgot to play. I, though, had legitimate reason for my forgetfulness, I WAS DRUNK. So unless AK46, AK27, Gorgeous Gorges, Scary Carey, The Hammer, and many more were hitting the rumpelstiltskin prior to the game, I except no excuses for that horse dung (note Breezer was not listed as he doesn't have to be drunk to suck, he already sucks at life). That's 4 losses in a row, a pissed off goalie, and a team with as much confidence as I have at the free throw line in basketball (My odds increase when I close my eyes). What's even worse is that I have refused to shave until we win again and I'm starting to look like Grizzly Adams (and yes Shooter McGavin, Grizzly Adams does have a beard).If we lose both games this weekend aginst the Kings and Boston, I swear I will punch a women in the breast. That's right people, I'm dangerous, so the Habs better figure things out soon before shit gets out of hand. Before I get drunk again, I will make a few points as I owe at least that to my loyal followers (Polar Bear).

-Price said the "F" word on television last night and is contemplating suicide as I write. These are not good signs for our goalie of the present and future. Carbo, you pepper, settle the kid down before we have another Roy incident.

- Gorges, what happened to being gorgeous? I feel you need to be under the radar to succeed because once you became the toast of the town, your play has gone straight to the crapper. So everyone, at this moment forward, Gorges will not be mentioned ever again on this site and then maybe he will return to being gorgeous.

-Breezer, DIE!!!!!!!!

-CARBOOOOO! I don't know what I hate more, your awful ties or the stench of pepper that oozes out from your skin. Why is a fisherman, the coach of the greatest team to ever exist? Stop the politics and bring an anglophone in to win the cup. Yes, yes, yes, I'm a hater but I'm justified in my beliefs. Proof he sucks anal crevice: 1) Kosto plays on a scoring line and gets more minutes then Big Tits even though he lacks the ability to SCORE (or fight. 0-137 career). 2) His game plan is a defensive style that doesn't mesh with the players he has to work with. I'm sorry but Kovy is a scorer so use him as one. Not every player in the world has to be like you, Carbo (a career 3rd liner), some can score from time to time. 3) When your answer to every thing is juggling the lines, well, you prove your just a fisherman from Baie-Comeau. 4) Carbo is french

We have many other problem that could I could elaborate on but I'm tired of being depressed.I hope the next time we meet, I will not look like a homeless man but who knows. I'm sorry for the Optimist's AWOL but like Breezer, he also sucks at life.

Peace Out and All Love,
The Pessimist

All-Star Game

I had never watched an entire All-Star game before this latest installment of best in show for several reasons:

1) It's not a real game, and usually lacks any excitement

2) Nothing is on the line worth rooting for

3) The Canadiens have not lived up to their standards as hockey royalty over the last 15 years with lackluster players on lackluster teams which led to few all-stars.

Well, this year was different. Not only was the game in Montreal (greatest city in the world motherfucka), four habs were voted to start the game. Yes, I know to all you ESPN bloggers who love the Bruins and Red Wings, only Markov DESERVED to go. But I don't give a shit. If those fans cared so much, they should root for a team with a bigger fan base that relentlessly clog up the ballot box. And also to those haters, the 2 Red Wings picked to go didn't even show up and the 3 Bruins players, well they, well, they, uhhhh, they are homosexuals. So take that. I need to get classy San Diego and get back on track. I still was not sold on the game as even though 3) was achieved, 1) could never happen but then something happened. 

Alex Kovalev (aka, AK27, Kovi, the magician, le artiste, Goldielocks, the sexiest man in the universe, lets just say I want to be on him. No, let me rephrase that. I want to be ON him.) 

He is not only my favorite player and the best player on the Habs skill wise, he was voted Captain and starter for the Eastern All-stars.  He has the skill of Elijah Dukes on steroids but the mind of well, Elijah Dukes. If he could rise up in the city that loves him and lead his team to victory and win MVP of the game, then maybe, just maybe, he can lead the Habs to.....I dare not say it....a STANLEY CUP. Yipeeeeee. 2) came to fruition. I could cheer for Alex to win MVP so I watched every minute of that game.

-Vinny got one of the biggest cheers of the night. I haven't seen a bigger hard on at a game since the Chez Paree girls last visit in the nose bleeds.

-man, Rick Nash is so sick. If only he played in a city that cared. Most wasted talent in the whole league in my opinion.

-man, I hate the Bruins. marc Savard might be the nicest guy in the world but was i happy when Shane Doan beat him the night before. and no, I didn't cheer for that communist, Tim Thomas. If it was the 1950's, McCarthy would be on his ass like Ron Jeremy on a banana split. 

-I love Ovechkin. I hope he never learns how to speak English. He's just so funny as well as being the best player in the league. 

-Nice penalty Komi. If only Jeff Carter wasn't such a hog and could make 25 foot pass. Now I know how he has 30 goals. I hate the Flyers.

-Kovi! Kovi! Kovi! Had the 3 nicest goals of the night, all on the break away. Won the MVP, a new Honda, and has earned the right to finally move to #3 on my list of: (insert name), so hot right now, behind only permanent members Peyton Manning at #2 and Tiger Woods (God) at #1. Sorry Ryan Zimmerman, but SIMMEDOWN.

Time to get back to real hockey and fuck some people up. Go Habs Go

Halfway Point

25-10-6. As Adam Sandler would say when referring to the ethnic backround of Harrison Ford, not to shabby. Today was a great day for me as many things went right. I caught the wining TD in my flag football game (and yes the man guarding me was 22 years my senior), I'm only one day away from the premiere of 24, the single greatest show ever(except for Rocco's Modern Life and The Big Comfy Couch), and finally the Habs were victorious. I almost got drunk tonight to celebrate my wonderful day and then I remembered I'm a college kid, I can get drunk any day. I also found out I'm 1/2 a quarter Romanian which means I'm related to Bogdan (somewhat depressed about that, just kidding). So after a long break of R and R where I tanned up my guns for all the ladies to see, I'm back home in L.A. to fufill my destiny of writing a blog on the Montreal Canadiens.Time to get serious cuase I have a lot of faithful fans (Maislin, The Polar Bear, and Mr. George) who care about my insight on the Habs.

-Tonight the Caps came to town and we turned them away with a little thank you but we already have enough Russians on this team and they can beat you (Belarus, for the sake of this post, is Russian otherwise we could probably use a couple more). We also have these guys from a place that was considered part of Russia (U.S.S.R) and they are pretty good too. I will go through these great men as they were the reason we won the game and got Carbo (CARBOOOOOO! Still hate the man or should I say man with bad hair (The polar Bear gets it)) into the all-star game.

Kovalev: He's a G. 'nough said

Big Tits: 1 goal, 1 assist and no siezure, I call that AK46 Hat Trick

Markov: The man just always finds a way to get a point, 1 assist tonight.

Lang the man who can't stop smiling: another goal and he still leads the team in points, what can't he do (fly...)

Halak: another win though the guy is going to freakin give me a heart attack with those rebounds but good job

Pleky: 2 goals baby, the kid finally got what he deserved, long overdue

Lil Titz: How you had me at "said things in Russian papers..." in the Grabs incident, you complete me with that game winner with 21 seconds left. Though I'm a man, I will gladly have your children.

Habs:5 - Caps:4

DEFINITION

Back and ready to cover the 2nd half of the season. I spent the last couple of weeks down in Florida with the pessimist and we both had the pleasure of dining with one of America's classiest men. None other than the son of Victor Posner, Steven. This sharply dressed man, with sleek hair and dashing eyes is my 2nd man crush (1st being Koivu). Not only did Mr. Posner carry himself with dignity and charm, he was a gentleman to his whore and her family (mother, sister, nephew). Hopefully the pessimist could shed some more light on this delightful man, who happend to be a scratch golfer, pro tennis player, underwear model and thief. 

Back to the Habs...

Our biggest fault and this deals with the management and Montreal's Tricolore Jesus (on that note go Vikings), M. Carbonneau. Our players have NO defined roles. Their tasks change from day to day, minute to minute. Sure injuries have plagued us, forcing for a shake up in the lineup, but our players need defined roles. So Carbonneau AND Gainey decide what you want from each player and let them know that, let them settle into their roles throughout the regular season, so when April comes knocking, our team will answer. 

Over the next few days I will define what the role of each player should be and then discuss how Carbonneau has gone about treating that player to date. 

Happy New Year

Go Habs Go

The Optimist